|
On a lengthy evening
Air Canada Flight with a somewhat "senior"
flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies
and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude
and will be turning down the cabin lights. This
is for your comfort and to enhance the
appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing, a
Westjet stewardess was heard to say: "Please
be sure to take all of your belongings. If
you're going to leave anything, please make
sure it's something we'dl like to have."
After a
particularly rough landing during
thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant
on a Northwest flight announced, "Please
take care when opening the overhead
compartments because after a landing like
that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest
Airlines flight crew member: "Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate
your seat belt, insert the metal tab into
the buckle, and pull tight. It works just
like every other seat belt; and, if you
don't know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
In the event of a
sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,
grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with
theirs. If you are traveling with more than
one small child, pick your favorite.
The captain's
dulcet tones droned over the plane's
speakers: "Weather at our destination is 50
degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll
try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you,
or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."
"Your seat
cushions can be used for flotation; In the
event of an emergency water landing, please
use them to paddle to shore and feel free to
take them home with our compliments."
"As you exit the
plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be
distributed equally amongst the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or
spouses."
And from the
pilot during his welcome message: "Delta
airlines is pleased to have some of the best
flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this
flight!"
Overheard on an
American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy
day: During the final approach, the captain
was really having to fight it. After an
extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant
said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with
your seat belts fastened while the Captain
taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"
Another flight
attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated
as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
Canadian airline
pilot wrote in his journal a few years ago
that on one particular flight due to strong
crosswinds, he had unfortunately hammered
his ship onto the runway with a very hard
greeting. The airline had a policy, which
required the first officer on the flight to
stand at the exit door while the passengers
disembarked, to smile and repeat "Thanks for
flying our airline." His comments indicated
that, in light of the poor landing, he
avoided eye contact with the passengers in
an attempt to avoid any smart comments that
might result. Finally there was only one
little old lady left to exit the plane.
Walking slowly up the aisle with a cane, she
approached the awaiting first officer and
said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a
question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot.
"What is it?" "Did we land, or were we shot
down?"
After a real
crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
Attendant came on with, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the
aircraft to a screeching halt against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared
and the warning bells are silenced, we'll
open the door and you can pick your way
through the wreckage to the terminal."
return
to internet humor page
|
