On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Tokyo Hotel: It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.

In a Belgrade ho tel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

From a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner i f dressed as a man.

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

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