Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look
down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the
employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on,
looking for references to one's
own name.
Idea Hamsters: People who always have their idea generators running.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting build-up of dirt and crud found on
computer keyboards.
Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch
potato.
Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a big mistake.
Perot: To quit unexpectedly, as in "My celluar phone just perot'ed."
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMS: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of
them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income,
Two Children, Opressive Mortgage.
Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce
with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.
Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation
from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were
just tourists."
Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.
Goi
ng Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing
it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees
who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in
an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper
goes off (especially in virbator mode). Characterized by physical
spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence.
Chips and Salsa: Chips = Hardware, Salsa = Software. "Well, first we
gotta
figure out in the problem's in you chips or your salsa.
Dancing Baloney: Little animated GIFs and other WEB F/X that are
useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda
dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."
Depotphobia: Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of
how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience
Shackophobia.
Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning
to leave a company of department soon.
Generica: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the
same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually
forgot what city we were in."
GOOD Job: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well paying job peo
ple take in
order to pay off debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are
solvent again.
Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying,
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were
a prime example.
Midair Passenger Exchange: Grim Air-Traffic-Controller-Speak for a
head-on collision. Mid-air passenger exchanges are quickly followed
by "aluminum rain."
PEBCAK: Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between the Chair
and Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot.
They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless
users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the
above is ID10T: "This guy is an ID-Ten_T on his system."
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits
over everything and then leaves.
Square-Headed Girlfriend: Another word for a computer. The victim of
a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer-widow."
Telephone Number Salary: A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
Umfriend: A sexual relation of dubious standing. "This is uh,....Dale, my....um.....friend..."
Uninstalled: Euphemism for be fired. Heard on the voicemail of a
vice president at a down-sizing computer firm: "You have reached the number
of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial
our main number and ask
the operator for assistance." Also see Decruitment.
Vulcan Nerve Pinch: The taxing hand position to reach all the
appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot
for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the
Return key and the Power On key.
Yuppie Food Stamps: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal:
"We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."
Tink: Acronym for a highly paid single consultant. Ten Incomes, No Kids!
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