A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech  in which the  latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first  part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes  producing an anticlimax 
 
*   I asked God for a bike, but I know God  doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 
  
*   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 
  
*   I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.  Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 
  
*   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 
  
*   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the  list. 
  
*   Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 
  
*   If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. 
  
*   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 
     
*   War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 
  
*   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 
  
*   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
  
*   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 
 
*   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 
  
*   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a  train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 
  
*   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 
  
*   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything,  but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 
  
*   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them  fish. 
  
*  I  thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. 
  
*   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. 
  
*   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". 
  
*   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 
  
*   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I  said "Implants?" 
  
*   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 
  
*   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the  street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy. 
  
*   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss  America  ? 
  
*   Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 
  
*   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 
  
*   You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute  to skydive twice. 
  
*   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 
  
*   Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won't expect it  back. 
  
*   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. 
  
*   Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. 
  
*   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 
  
*   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. 
  
*   Some cause happiness wherever they go.  Others whenever they go. 
  
*   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 
  
*   I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. 
  
*   I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila. 

*   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 
  
*   You're never too old to learn something stupid. 

*   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 
  
*   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 
  
*   Some people hear voices.  Some see invisible people.  Others have no imagination whatsoever. 
  
*   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. 
  
*   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child? 
  
*   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.