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WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish....................... 49
Adventurer................Slept with all your friends
Athletic..................No tits
Average looking................Has face like a basset
hound
Beautiful..................Pathological liar
Contagious smile..............Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.............Banged her Political Science
Professor
Emotionally Secure.........Medicated
Feminist...............Fat ballbuster
Free spirit...............Junkie
Friendship first.......Trying to live down reputation as
a slut
Fun................Annoying
Gentle..................Comatose
Good listener...................Borderline Autistic
New-Age...................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned......Lights out,missionary position
only,no BJ's
Open-minded...........Desperate
Outgoing....................Loud and embarrassing
Passionate.......................Sloppy drunk
Poet....................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional....................Certified Bitch
Redhead..............Bad dye-job
Reubenesque......................Grossly fat
Romantic......................Looks better by candle
light
Social.....Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres
tray
Voluptuous............................Very fat
Weight proportional w/height..........Hugely fat
Wants soul mate...........Stalker
Widow...................Drove first husband to shoot
himself
Young at heart......................Old bat
MEN'S ADS
40-ish.........................52 and looking for a 25
year old
Athletic........................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking....Unusual hair growth, ears, nose and
back
Educated.............Will patronize the shit out of you
Free spirit............Banging your sister
Friendship first........As long as friendship involves
nookie
Fun..................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking................Arrogant
Very good looking.............Dumb as a board
Honest.........................Pathological liar
Huggable...........Overweight, more body hair than a
bear
Likes to cuddle.............Insecure mama's boy
Mature......................Older than your father
Open-minded.............Wants to sleep with your
roommate
Physically fit...........Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet..............Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom
stall
Sensitive..............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive.....................Gay
Spiritual................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable..............Arrested for stalking, but not
convicted
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