- Sign in a Laundromat:
- AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
-
- Sign in a London department
store:
- BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
-
- In an office:
- WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK
THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
-
- Outside a farm:
- HORSE MANURE 50p PER
PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
-
- In an office:
- AFTER TEA BREAK
STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
-
- On a church door:
- THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN.
ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE
DOOR.)
-
- English sign in a German
cafe:
- MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR
HANS BEFORE EATING
-
- Outside a second-hand shop:
- WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING -
BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
-
- Sign outside a new town
hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
- THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED
UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
-
- Outside a photographer's
studio:
- OUT TO LUNCH IF NOT BACK BY
FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
-
- Seen at the side of a
Sussex road:
- SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO
OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
-
- Outside a disco:
- SMARTS IS THE MOST
EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
-
- Sign warning of quicksand:
- QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON
PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL
-
- Notice sent to residents of
a Whiltshire parish:
- DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS
WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO
DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
-
- Notice in a dry cleaner's
window:
- ANYONE LEAVING THEIR
GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF
-
- Sign on motorway garage:
- PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR
OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
-
- Notice in health food shop
window:
- CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
-
- Spotted in a safari park:
- ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN
YOUR CAR
-
- Notice in a field:
- THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS
TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
-
- Message on a leaflet:
- IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS
LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
-
- Sign on a repair shop door:
- WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
-
- Spotted in a toilet in a
London office block:
- TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE
USE FLOOR BELOW
-
- Sign in a Japanese hotel:
- SPORTS JACKETS MAY BE WORN
BUT NO TROUSERS
-
- Sign in Egyptian hotel:
- IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM
SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"
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