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Tips--Martha Stewart Style
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and jumping the curb.
DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
BOMB disposal experts' wives. Keep hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock.
SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your hou
se and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
LOSE weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning and illness enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
SAVE on charity donations by spending a dollar on clothes at a charity shop, then selling them for 50 cents to another charity shop. This way you can give twice as much, at half the cost. I think.
KEEP the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. Just tell the interviewer that you wish to find something more meaningful to do in life now that you've made your fortune.
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